Breaking the Habit
by D.D.04
Summary: My first real Shounen ai ficcy! Heero is left out of a mission and gets a little depressed (understatement). R&R please!


A.N.:: Hey It's me, D.D.04! I know it's been a long time but school has a bad habit of interfering with writing. Luckily Summer is here and I plan on writing more over the summer. N E way, this is a lil piece that I wrote for a contest. Hope ya'll like it.  
  
Disclaimer:: Self-explanatory. Dis= not Claim= own. I do not own the song "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park nor do I own Gundam Wing. So P.  
  
Notes: Blah= thoughts (Blah)= my comments. very few and far between but hey ~~Blah~~= memories  
  
*Blah*= song lyrics  
  
Breaking the Habit  
  
Explosions echoed across the field, and he knew the battle had begun. Heero sat on the front porch of the most recent safe house (a small cabin in Germany, just so you know). His brain was still unable to contemplate why he wasn't a part of this fight. Another explosion filled the evening sky. Dodge. Shoot. Defend. Destroy. He caught himself trying to put an imaginary mobile suit into evasive maneuvers and kicked himself mentally. He knew that he had done all he could to get himself into this mission but Duo had squashed his attempts with little to no effort. He remembered the American boys words easily. ~~ "Heero. You're exhausted. No, don't you give me that; you've been on twenty missions in two weeks. Just lay out of this one and get some rest. I'm sure that two gundams is more than enough for this mission and I doubt Wufei and I need a babysitter." Duo patted his shoulder and given him 'the look'. Damn that 'look'. The way the boy's violet orbs grew in size and got all watery drove him crazy. It was anatomically impossible, yet Duo somehow managed to make his eyes fill a complete two-thirds of his face. They held one another's gaze for a full minute and Duo silently squeezed his shoulder. Heero finally gave way and murmured a hesitant "Aa." ~~ And now here he was all alone on the front porch, while his mission went on without him. He growled in frustration and stormed into the house. He paced and raged silently for a full five minutes before noticing a small note stuck to his laptop. Hold up. His LAPTOP? He growled again, this time in fury. Someone was going to be crying out of the back oh his head in the morning. He leapt the back of the couch and snatched up the offending piece of paper. Scrawled hastily across the front in pencil was: -Heero, I've taken the liberty of removing the batteries of your "baby" so you will actually do some relaxing. Don't you glare at me like that! Hah I caught you! P. Why don't you go soak in the hot tub or something? I left my many soaking product out on the counter by the sink cause I know it helps with tension. Have fun! -Da Shinigami (heh) Heero glared at the paper; hoping it would spontaneously combust or, even better, replace his stolen batteries. No such luck, and no matter how much he hated to admit it, the hot bath sounded like a good idea. He shook his head and casually discarded the sticky note. Besides, it would help him think of ways to get revenge for his laptop. *Memories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room [Unless I try to start again]* Heero turned on the water and took a deep breath as a plume of steam rose from the surface of the water. He walked over and locked the door. At least I'll have some time to myself. He quickly shed his clothing and padded quietly to the sink. Bath and Body Works? What the? Bubble bath, bath salts, bath oils, body wash. Duo has a lot of stuff here. Heero sifted through the foreign substances, searching for something he recognized. Sweet Pea? Hell no. Let's see here. Cucumber melon, no, Warm Vanilla Sugar, double no, Roasted Chestnut, um no, what's this? Juniper Breeze? The sound of running water reminded him that, yes, the water was still running so he shrugged and picked up the large container of blue tinted salts and a bottle of the blue-green bubble bath. Well, I'm entitled to take risks aren't I? He poured two full caps of the bubble bath into the steaming water. Then he dumped in a hand full of the salt and waited. He absently stared around the room until his eyes finally fell on his wrists. The pale jagged scars stood out in stark contrast to his tan skin. He gently ran a finger over one then the other. He remembered when he had given himself these constant reminders of pain. It had been shortly after the incident with the little girl. ~~ Heero sat quietly in his cell-like room staring at his hands. What have I done? He slowly moved his hands to cover his face. He sat that way until the door flew open with an angry bang. "Well, I see you decided to finally come back. Where have you been for this past week? Hm? What did you think we could do while you were missing? Train the Gundam?" Dr. J raved as he crossed the room and grabbed his wrist roughly. Heero grimaced as he felt the fragile bones in his wrist grate against each other beneath the older man's prosthetic hand. "Was the mission successful? Tch! Never mind I heard all about it on the radio AND the television. Careless boy. Your carelessness will endanger the mission." Heero heard one of those fragile bones in his wrist snap as the metal hand closed more firmly and twisted slightly to the left. "You know, you had Barton breathing down my neck to have you disposed of but I told him you'd come back. I said you would never do this again," He bent Heero's arm back and around to his waist and Heero gasped slightly as the tendon in his elbow tore. "Will you?" Heero shook his head viscously. J smiled and released his arm. "Good boy," He watched as Heero cradled his wounded arm to his chest. "Your training will resume in the morning. Now, is there something you wish to tell me, boy?" Heero looked up at him silently and shook his head. "I see, well, I guess I'll see you in the morning." He gestured toward Heero's arm, "You should get that looked at you know." With that he swept out of the room just as quickly as he had entered, and twice as loudly. Heero sat quietly for a few minutes after J left. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. He knew he couldn't tell this to J; that would be another nasty encounter to add to the growing list. No, he would have to take things into his own hands. He glanced desperately around the room. There, on the table. He jumped off of the bed and jogged to the table on the opposite wall. He picked up the pocketknife he had been given by Odin Lowe. "Use it only in emergencies." He had told him. Well it's an emergency. He flipped open the blade and stared at it for a few seconds before turning it over and driving it into his wrist. The pain caught him off guard and he gasped in surprise. Slowly he drew the blade up his arm to the inside of his elbow. Then he repeated the process on the other arm. He stood watching in fascination as the blood ran down his arms and dripped to the floor. He smiled slightly still holding the blade, and blacked out. ~~ Heero shuddered at the memory of waking up to have J beat him for his attempted suicide. The training had gotten harsher after that and her was no longer permitted to carry sharp objects without a guard. Needless to say the pocketknife was confiscated. Heero shook his head to erase the memory from his mind and turned off the water. *I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused* Heero slowly tested the water with his finger. He hissed and jerked his hand back quickly when his hand made contact with the scalding hot water. He shook his hand a little and sucked on the burn, glaring angrily at the inviting bubbles. I guess I forgot to turn on the cold water. Well I've handled worse. He walked to the sink and poured a cup of cold water. Though it wouldn't help much, it would still lower the temperature a little. He walked back to the bubbly mass and dumped in the cup of water. He took a deep breath and stepped into the bathtub. The water wasn't as hot as he thought it was and he sank gratefully into the bubbles. He sighed and leaned his back against the cool side of the tub. He felt the muscles in his legs beginning to relax, slowly spreading to his abdomen. He closed his eyes and slid under the bubbles completely. He lay on the bottom of the tub holding his breath with his eyes closed until his lungs screamed at him for air the hesitantly pushed his head up out of the bubbles. What am I doing? Duo's right, everyone can take care of themselves with out me. I mean, how's one less gundam going to affect the war? It won't. I'm not needed. Expendable. No one would be upset if I died. Well, no one but Relena, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Stupid girl. No, that doesn't count. I really don't matter. He slowly stood up and stared at himself in the mirror from across the room. Hell, I'm covered in bubbles when the guys could be covered in blood. It should be reversed, but it's not. He stepped out of the tub and approached the sink trailing soapy water along behind him. But then that is subject to change. *I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So I'm Breaking the Habit Tonight* Heero stood in front of the mirror staring intensely at his reflection. Slowly he opened a drawer and began to sift through it. His lips curled into a small smile when his fingers brushed cold metal. As he had assumed, Duo did have a pair of scissors for trimming his hair. I won't even have to leave the room then. His smile fell and a look of determination replaced it. He lifted the scissors and tested the blade with his finger. His smile returned when a thin red line appeared and a drop of blood slid down to his palm. *Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again I hurt much more Than anytime before I have no options left again* He checked the door. Locked. Again he turned to his reflection. "I won't have to see you again," He snarled at his reflection. The face in the mirror glared back at him, all the hatred for the monster he had become pouring forth from his deep blue eyes. How he hated this thing Duo spent so much time in front of. It forced him to see himself as others saw him: cold, calm, and a complete bastard. He snarled again and lashed out. His fist connected with the glass and it shattered. Heero brushed the shards away from him and retrieved the scissors calmly. He turned his uninjured arm over and again traced the scar with his finger. He opened the scissors, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Then he plunged the blade deep into his wrist. For the second time in his life, the pain surprised him, and he gasped as he pulled the handle of the scissors towards his elbow, along the white scar. He stood, breathing ragged for a few seconds before yet again repeating the process, this time on his already heavily bleeding arm. This time the pain left him dizzy and he gripped the counter top for support. He felt his knees shaking and he pushed himself towards the bathtub. He decided it would be easier for the others to clean up if he didn't drip all over the bathroom. He slid himself back into the bubbles, gritting his teeth as the soap and salt met his wounds. *I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So I'm Breaking the Habit I'm Breaking the Habit Tonight* The Japanese boy leaned back against the cool porcelain of the bathtub and sighed. It's finally over. Everything is finished. His head ached and his vision had begun to blur. Thinking became too difficult so he just lay quietly listening to the quiet 'shhhhh' of the bubbles popping and waited for the end. He didn't hear the steady roar of approach mobiles suits in the distance. *I'll paint it on the walls 'Cause I'm the one at fault I'll never fight again And this is how it ends* Duo bounced a little as he climbed out of his gundam. The mission had been incredibly successful. Not only had he and Wufei demolished the facility, they had done so without the slightest damage to their gundams. Heero would be proud. He turned as Shenlong landed loudly and shouted over the engines. "Last one in the house is a Mobile Doll!" He blew a raspberry and dashed to the door. He barely heard what sounded like "INJUSTICE" echo down from the cockpit before throwing himself through the door. He grinned evilly as he skipped into the kitchen. "Hey Q-man whas for di-er? Huh, where'd they go?" Hey walked over to the small refrigerator and plucked off a neatly written note. '-Duo I went to watch Trowa perform because he had a show tonight. Afterwards we will be having dinner with Katherine and won't be back until well after nine pm. I hope you and Wufei did well on your mission. Heero seemed a little agitated before we left so you may want to check in on him.  
-Quatre  
P.s.- There is a casserole in the refrigerator for dinner, try not to  
burn it please. I'm sure Wufei would appreciate the effort.' Duo snorted. "I see. Well I'm sure loved aren't I. Casserole? Yuck!" He made a face and looked around the kitchen. I wonder where Heero is. He sauntered off in the direction of the room he shared with the silent boy. He grinned and threw open the door with a loud bang. "Heeeeeeeey Hee-ro. I could have sworn he would be in here." He stared around the empty room and suddenly remembered his note. "Right! Maybe he's in the bathroom!" He turned and rushed out of the room so he could brag about their success to his roommate. He approached the door loudly and grabbed the handle. It was locked. Duo frowned. Well, I guess I should have expected this. His face lit up. A thought had crossed his mind. Yes, he had. a key! HA! Take that! I win! Duo happily dug through his pockets and retrieved a small brass key and promptly stuck it into the lock. "Oh Heeee-" He threw the door open and the words died on his lips. The mirror lay in shambles on the floor and counter top, blood was all over the floor and the walls as well as the counter top, and in one particularly large puddle was a pair of. scissors? "What the?" Duo stepped hesitantly into the room, his mind working furiously trying to figure out what happened. The metallic scent of blood clashed angrily with the scent of bubble bath. "Heero?" Duo stepped forward searching for his friend. There was a splash as something fell into the tub. "Heero is that you?" He turned the corner and froze. Heero lay motionless in the bathtub. The bubbles had dissolved revealing the dark red water surrounding him. Suddenly a heart-wrenching screech echoed around the bathroom. He was surprised when he realized that the sound was coming from him. His limbs suddenly seemed to move of their own accord, propelling him forward. He wrapped his arms forcefully around Heero's chest and pulled him out of the water. He heard Wufei's footsteps race down the hallway and into the room. "Duo what is i- Oh god!" Duo felt another pair of arms trying to pry Heero away from him and he lashed out angrily. "Duo! Calm down! I'm trying to help!" He felt himself being steered out of the room and down the hall. He didn't know where they were going and he didn't care. All that mattered was the he could still feel Heero's pulse, though it was weak, and he was NOT letting him go. He felt more than heard himself crying, but he couldn't stop the tears. He was forced down onto something soft and realized that he was in Wufei's room. Wufei was talking to someone on the phone but he couldn't under stand what was being said. He looked back down at Heero's pale face and a choked sob escaped his throat. He pulled the boy closer and buried his face in Heero's chest. You can't leave me! You can't! You Can't! I won't let you! Please Heero! Come back to me! I. I. "I love you!" He whispered softly through his painful sobs and again dissolved into uncontrollable tears. He didn't feel the injection that knocked him out. *I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream But now I have some clarity To show you what I mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So I'm Breaking the Habit I'm Breaking the Habit Tonight* Pain. Hot searing pain filled Heero's consciousness. And light. Bright light. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and groaned. Am I dead? He slowly opened one eye. The light was too bright so he closed it again. Then he heard voices. Quiet at first but then they got louder. "He'll be fine. The blood transfusion was successful. He's lucky that you found him when you did. It was a close call." Said a woman's voice. "Thank you, Sally. I don't know how we'll be able to repay you." This time it was a man speaking. "I agree with Wufei." "I just hope both Duo and Heero will be okay." "Quatre. They'll be fine, the both of them. And don't worry about repaying me Trowa. I owed Heero one. I'm just glad I could help." Heero grunted and the voices stopped speaking. Suddenly the light dimmed a little. Heero opened his eyes slightly, blinked a few times then opened them fully. Quatre was hovering over him with a concerned expression on his face. Nope. Still living. Quatre's eyes relaxed and he smiled. "Good, you're awake." "Unfortunately, yes. Could you dim that damn light?" The light dimmed immediately. Heero blinked and looked around at his surroundings. He was in his own bed, in his room. Trowa, Wufei, and Sally were standing at the foot of his bed looking down on him. He could tell he wasn't dressed but he was under the covers, but something was different. Heero looked down and his eyes opened wide in surprise. Duo was latched firmly around his stomach and was drooling slightly. He shifted and his head lolled to the side revealing a large red spot on his face suggesting that he had been lying that way for a long period of time. "Wha?" "He absolutely refused to let go. He stayed with you the whole time." Sally said smiling softly. "You've been out for three days." Trowa said quietly. Wufei just glared at him. "Wh-Why?" Heero stuttered quietly, more to himself than anyone else. "Because you tried to kill yourself, baka!" Wufei snapped. Quatre turned on the Chinese boy angrily. "OUT! NOW!" Wufei seemed to shrink and Sally walked him out of the room. Trowa shook his head and followed. Quatre smiled down at Heero, shrugged, and walked to the door. "Duo should wake up soon. I'll just leave you two alone." He slipped quietly out and closed the door leaving Heero confused and alone with the sleeping Duo. Heero looked down at the sleeping form that was wrapped around his middle. Hesitantly, he shifted so that he was more comfortable, winning a small snort from the dreaming American. Heero started to pull away from his grasp, but Duo squeezed him tighter and muttered, "No! Don't leave! Please, Heero, don't." then it became incoherent. Heero frowned. Why is he so upset? He couldn't care for me, could he? No, of course not. You're not that lucky Yuy. Heero sighed and shifted so that he wasn't cutting off circulation to any important organ. He still couldn't figure out why he wasn't dead. It was practically fool proof! He glared down at the peaceful Duo and scowled. I can't feel my foot. This calls for drastic actions. Maneuver number one. Nimnu ryokai. Heero twisted around so that he was lying on his belly. Unfortunately, this put quite a bit of pressure on his heavily bandaged arms. Itai! Itai! He swiftly yanked his arms out from beneath his chest and glared angrily down at them as well. Whatever Sally had done to get them to stop bleeding he had definitely managed to tear open again. Blood soon began to seep through the white bandages. He grimaced and mentally kicked himself. Sally was nice and all but if you mess up her work, you'd better be in a different area code when she found out. Chikusho. That was definitely a stitching job. He rolled over again so that he could attempt to survey the damage without attracting attention to himself. Unfortunately, (and surprisingly) all of his rolling and wriggling was enough to wake the American. Duo yawned and stretched, smacking loudly. Heero froze in his attempts to get comfortable. K'so. He quickly slowed his breathing and heart rate, closed his eyes, and prayed to every deity that ever existed that he was a good actor. "Good morning Hee-chan. Oh you rolled over in your sleep. Well at least it's a sign of life." Heero felt a warm hand on his fore head. "No fever, that's a good sign. Huh? What's this?" The hands reached around and grasped his wrist. "How did that happen? SALLY! Heero some how reopened the stitches!" CHIKUSHO! The door opened and he heard footsteps crossing the room. "Really, now?" came the sarcastic reply from the tall blonde woman. "Yah, look." Duo piped and rolled Heero over on his back again. Heero did his best to keep his breathing even. "Ah, I see. Well since he's still UNCONCIOUS I can do this without any PAINKILLERS, can't I?" Heero couldn't help but flinch. It did not escape the ever-watchful eye of the Chinese doctor. "I'll just go get my equipment." The door closed again. "Don't worry Hee-chan. I'm sure Sally was just joking." Duo said quietly rearranging the sheets. Heero highly doubted any joking at the moment. He gave in and opened his eyes. Duo had been hovering directly over his face at that moment brushing the hair off of Heero's forehead. He was less than a few inches away and they bumped noses. Duo froze and both boys went stiff. Prussian eyes met violet and neither boy moved. Heero was the first to break the awkward silence. "Hello Duo." Duo continued to stare at him. Many emotions danced across his face. There was surprise, anger, embarrassment, and. relief? There was also something he couldn't recognize. Suddenly Heero found himself in a bear hug that could have bent Gundanium. "Heero! You're okay! I'm so glad! For a while there I thought, I thought." Duo released him just as suddenly and whipped a hand across Heero's face. "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?" Heero rubbed his cheek and stared up at one very ticked off Duo. Don't make any sudden movements. Slowly Heero scooted himself backwards until his back met the headboard. "What was that for?" He asked calmly, as if he were inquiring about the weather. This obviously was not the reaction to calm Duo down. A fist suddenly connected with his jaw. His head snapped to the side and he saw stars. Slowly he turned his head back and glared at Duo. The boy before him was breathing raggedly and his eyes were red with unshed tears. He was gritting his teeth, clenching and unclenching his jaw. "You have no idea what you just put me through. I don't think you ever will, either." Duo shuddered in fury. "You don't know how it feels to lose a loved one! I do and I didn't want to feel it again." Duo paled. Heero stared at him in shock. Did he just refer to me as a loved one? He blinked. Duo blushed a deep shade of red. "I'll just be going now." He stood to leave quickly but Heero's reflexes were quicker. He grabbed Duo's hand and spun him around so that he was forced into a sitting position a few inches form his face. "Duo, did I hear you right? I could have sworn I just heard you say I was a 'loved one'." Heero whispered quietly, his voice was calm but the mask he wore had cracked. Various emotions flew through his eyes. They pleaded silently with Duo not to leave him. Duo stared at the boy before him in surprise. He saw surprise and fear mingled with hope in the Japanese boys dark normally emotionless eyes. He nodded slowly. "Hai." He murmured. Suddenly Heero changed dramatically. A smile, a real one, spread across his face and he loosened his grip on Duo's hand. He slumped forward and leaned on Duo's shoulder. Duo sat still, shocked in the sudden change in his friend. "I'm glad." Duo blinked. "Nani?" He looked down at the back of Heero's head. "I really didn't think it was possible. Maybe I am dead." Duo shook his head madly. "No, Heero. You're not dead. Or at least, I don't think you're dead. I sure hope not." He sat Heero up so he could look into his eyes. "Heero?" "Nani?" "Aishiteru." "Aishiteru, Duo." "Honto?" Duo squeaked. "Hai, honto desu." Heero smiled softly. Duo pulled him in for a hug but Heero redirected him gently. Their lips met softly and electric charges ran down Heero's spine. You know what Yuy? Maybe you really are lucky.  
  
~owari~  
  
A.N.:: So what did you think? Please review! Peace, Love, and Pocky to all! 


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